Feelings of Less than Adequacy

I worry about Sean. A lot. Probably too much. I'm one of those people who tends to borrow trouble. I worry about stuff that may or may not even happen. Like the bi-polar disorder. I have way too much experience dealing with someone with BPD and the fact that my son probably has it (and it's currently laying dormant) just freaks the heck out of me. And so I worry and fret and google different medications and the common side effects on children. And I then lose my mind.

This is really not healthy. Not for me. Not for Sean. Not for anyone who has to live or work with me. Especially since there is a good chance it will lay dormant FOREVER. He quite possibly will never develop BPD. Meanwhile, I'm already figuring out how if they prescribe this medication it will interact with his asthma meds, etc...

And while there IS something to be said for educating yourself and knowing what your options are, it's really only a GOOD thing if those are decisions you're going to have to make. Right now, I'm not. And so I need to mentally lay this all aside and just focus on one thing. Sean.